Emotion
by lNightWriterl
Summary: In "Boxed In" Tony mentioned that 'she' was a good piano player. Who was she? Just a little one-shot that came into my mind.
1. Chapter 1

**So...I really should be working on my other story right now...But I had this idea for a one-shot and toyed around with it for a little until I got this! It is kind of dark, and a bit depressing to be honest which is odd for me because I tend to be more of an upbeat person. Never the less, here it is. Read and tell me what you think (:**

**Disclaimer: Nope. I do not own NCIS.**

* * *

The hallway was long and dark.

Lavish furnishing held to either side and antique paintings were placed upon the walls in oak frames. The only sound among the flickering of a lamp that stood over by a heavy wood door was the pattering of small feet, walking slowly towards the other end of the corridor.

A little boy, no more than six or seven paused by a room, the door only slightly ajar and leaned towards it. His face was bruised and the boy had a nasty gash by his left ear, but the boy's eyes held no sign of redness nor were there any evidence of tear streaks despite the obvious pain he was in.

If there was something that this little boy knew more about than anything else in the world, it was about this room and the complexities of it.  
Inside, without a doubt, he knew there would be a woman. A woman with raven colored hair and glassy green eyes that were full of so many emotions that you wouldn't be able to sort them all out. Her body was long and slender, with fair skin and beauty that could make Aphrodite rave with jealousy.  
Inside that room, was that woman. The other thing inside that room would be an emotion.  
Anthony DiNozzo knew all about that.

He never knew exactly what emotion the room would hold that day. Would his mother greet him with sweet tenderness, joking with him and stroking his hair? Whispering silly things to him, just to see him smile as she sat him down in front of the large, black piano and showed him how to play a tune that seemed to fill the world with such joy and glee, even the Scrooge on Christmas would smile.

Or perhaps, he would find her gorgeous face filled with rage. A glass of wine or jack shattered against the wall as he received a backhand to the face and was forced to listen to the sound of anger and anguish coming from the piano, sounding like a growl from a panther.  
Of course he could also go in and find her crying. Blood leaking from her wrists, spilling over a new white rug and sticking out vividly among ivory keys, as a song of pain and helpless emitted from the instrument...

So many emotions. So many. However, no matter what, Anthony would always enter the room. The surprise was like a gift now to him. You never knew what was inside it until it was open- and perhaps you liked what was inside...or maybe you don't. It was just another thing you have to cope with.  
So when the door swung open, Tony was relieved to see his mother smiling softly at him, the moon beaming down softly through satin curtains as she sat at the piano, playing a song so sweet and soft, it made the wind howl with it.

"Mom?" he whispered and the music stopped. There was a pause as Tony stepped towards her, not bothering to hide his injuries as he slid next to her on the bench.

Gentle hands probed slightly as Robyn DiNozzo tilted his chin up so she could see him better.

"Oh, Anthony..." she whispered quietly, her red lips touching her son's temple.

"I got into a fight at school." Tony whispered back and his mother's grip tightened around him.

"No. Anthony look at me. Don't you ever start believing in those lies you tell. Never. Don't lose yourself and believe in those lies." Tony nodded and took his mother's hand, tracing it with his own, pausing each time he touched the diamond ring that sat next to a wedding band.

"Why does he do it?" Tony finally asked "Is it because I'm bad? I didn't mean to drop the plate at his dinner party mommy. I really didn't." for a moment it looked as though tears would come, but after a sharp shake of his head, they disappeared.

"Oh baby...I know you didn't. He really does love you though...he really does." it didn't answer the boy's question but he seemed to accept the response given and turn to the piano, letting his fingers fly over the keys as his mother showed him which notes to play...

* * *

"Mom?" Tony called out, walking into the room, it had been a year now and Tony entered the room with a big grin, hoping to find his mother to show him the large, red A+ on his report card. He just knew that she would laugh and tell him that it was fitting for her special boy to get such a wonderful mark on his birthday. She would then go on about how proud she was of him, showing him a new piece of music for the night...

"Mom?" he called again and then froze.  
There was no emotion in the room tonight. Just blank, empty, eyes staring up at the ceiling. Blood pooled around her, staining the white dress she was wearing. A knife stuck in her chest.

"Mom!" a sharp cry came and Anthony ran to get side, cradling her head in his arms, feeling for a heartbeat. To his shock, there was a slow thumping sound, and the body was still warm, blood blossoming around.

"Mom..." he whispered as the heartbeat got slower...and slower...until it stopped.  
All that was left was him and the piano...

* * *

"Tony, are you alright?" Anthony DiNozzo tore his eyes away from the piano in the corner of the newest victim's room and looked at his team mates faces, all filled with some sort of degree of concern.

"I'm fine." he said, putting on his best grin and racking his mind for the most suited movie reference. "Just got caught up in memories." he smiled and turned to the dead petty officer who laid in her own blood, looking suspiciously like another woman Tony had seen years ago, a knife sticking out of her chest.  
It wasn't the memories that haunted him the most though.

It was the fact that the woman's eyes were blank- and the room held no emotion.

* * *

**Yep. It is short, depressing, and a bit more poetic than my usual style... Ah, well. I still hope you guys liked it (: I actually have a similar idea to add onto this. If I get enough people asking, then I might add another chapter or two :P**

**Anyway, please review!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Did you miss me? So I wrote my little one-shot awhile back, and promised if asked, I would write more. Now I had orginally planned something a little different for this chapter... However, after I wrote it I ended up hating it. So this is what it ended up as. Idk if I like it though...Tell me what you think!**

* * *

Tony had never felt so evil in his entire life.

The home he stood in front of was a typical middle class house. Two stories, four bedrooms, one bath, so on and so forth. The lawn was bright green and cut, toys that belonged to a little girl scattered across it.

"Can I help you?" Tony pulled his attention back to the door, where a woman stood, holding her daughter close, watching the man with a careful expression. Tony resisted a sigh as he pulled out his badge, showing it to them.

"Mrs. Anderson, I'm Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo with NCIS, do you mind if I come in?" the woman's eyes widened and she gave a curt nod, backing away to allow him to step into the house which was organized and well cleaned considering a child lived there.

"Lily darling, why don't you go play with Grandma and Grandpa for a minute while Mommy talks to the police officer ok?" the little girl flashed a sweet smile and nodded, flying into the next room, already calling for her grandparents.

"We're staying with my parents until John gets back from his deployment." the woman said, wringing her hands together. Tony closed his eyes for a moment. He hated doing this. Gibbs was usually the one who tells the families about their loved ones death, Tony wasn't used to this.

"Mrs. Anderson-"

"Please, just call me Casey." the woman murmured and then buried her face into her hands for a moment. "Please don't say it." she whispered hoarsely and then looked up at the ceiling "Please, please God tell me he's not dead."

Tony said nothing, slowly walking towards her and helping her lower herself onto the couch. Damn. Why was this so _hard?_

"Ma'am I'm really sorry." he said quietly "Your husband was killed last week when his plane landed. A Mark Grey, who was in his unit, turned out to be a double agent and killed him. I'm sorry." he told her, still keeping hold on her arm in a comforting manner.

"Oh God... Oh God... Oh God..." Casey moaned and then completely broke down, sobbing into Tony's chest. He paused for a moment, unsure of exactly what to do. He never really knew how to deal with crying girls before- or really a crying anything for that matter. "He's gone." she sobbed and Tony just sat there for the next few minutes, letting her get it all out.

"What am I supposed to do?" she finally let out a gravelly whisper. Tony contemplated the question carefully.

"You move on." he told her gently "From what I've seen, you still have a daughter in there who needs you."

"She's only eight. How can a child move on after losing someone like that when they're only _eight_." Tony bit his lip before finally finding the courage to answer.

"I lost my mother when I was eight." he said and Casey's eyes snapped up to his. "It was my birthday... She committed suicide. I was the one who found her." He spoke quietly; his sentences came out choppy and full of pain.

"I'm sorry." Casey whispered with true sincerity in her tone.

"Don't worry about it. Point is, she killed herself. Your husband died because he was fighting for his country and someone else didn't like that. _That_ right there has a lot more dignity in it. Your daughter will at least have some peace in mind with that... Besides, I had one parent and I think I turned out pretty ok." he told her lightly. There was a moment of silence in which she seemed to digest this.

"Thank you." she said after a moment and Tony gave her a quick nod before getting up.

"There anything else I can do for you?" he asked and Casey gave him a warm, watery smile.

"Yes. You can stay here while I get you a cup of coffee." she told him and ignored any of his protests "It is the least I can do…I'm sure you didn't really plan on having me cry all over you when you came here." She said sternly before entering the kitchen around the corner.

"Mr. Police Officer?" Tony's head snapped up as he looked over and saw the little girl staring at him with wide eyes. She was small, a teddy bear held tightly in her arms as she looked up at him with doe eyes that were the color of the sky

"Hi." he told her, trying to summon his inner Gibbs in order to talk to the child "You can call me Tony. Are you Lily?" the little girl nodded, her dark pigtails bobbing up and down.

"What were you saying to Mommy? Was it about Daddy? Is he going to come home today?"

Shit. The pain was almost too much to bear. He looked into the girl's eyes and felt his heart tighten. This wasn't fair...God, this wasn't fair.

"C'mere Lily." he said and patted the seat next to him.

* * *

"Mrs. Anderson?" Gibbs asked as he entered the house, McGee and Ziva close by his side. "We're NCIS." He told her, flashing his badge at the woman in the doorway. The woman brushed back some of her dark hair and gave a bitter smile.

"Oh." She said with a croaky voice "Are you here to pick up Tony?" she asked and Gibbs nodded. He had been peeved to say the least when he found out that Tony had told his junior agent to go back to headquarters without him. Gibbs knew that his Senior Field Agent hadn't wanted McGee to witness the pain that would no doubt fall in the household once the news was broken about the dead sailor, but he had thought that McGee would know better than to agree and abandon his partner with no way home.

Sometimes Tony was really too overprotective of the man.

"Where is Tony?" Ziva asked curiously as she peered into the neat little house and Mrs. Anderson gave a little laugh.

"Oh, he is with my daughter right now. I swear, your agent is heaven sent." There was a pause where McGee and Ziva exchanged surprised looks, no doubt wondering how the words 'heaven' and 'Tony' ended up in the same sentence. At the confused looks, the now widower explained further.

"He was so sweet when he told me about…about John." She choked out "and he was so kind to Lily…He told her that he Daddy was a hero and that she should always keep her head up high because of that." The woman sniffed "I honestly don't think I could have told her any better than he did." There was a long pause in which she sighed and ran a hand through already disheveled hair.

At that moment though, there was a cry of laughter initiating from down the hall.

"Again Tony! Again!" Mrs. Anderson smiled as all three agents blinked in surprise. It was no secret that Tony wasn't the best with kids. In fact, some might even say he was terrible with them. To hear the little girl's voice shriek his name with such adoration instantly captured their attention.

"Lily was telling him all about how her John was going to teach her piano when he got back from deployment. I told her we could sign her up for lessons but she said it wasn't the same if Daddy wasn't there. The next thing I know, both of them are at the piano, Tony teaching her a song." She told them and watched the eyebrows move even higher on the three agent's faces.

Ziva moved first, slowly creeping silently forward and peered into the room in which the laughter had come from.

It was…Pink. The ceiling, the walls, the bed, the stuffed animals, the chairs, everything was _pink_. Everything except for a large, sleek, black piano that took up most of the room and two figures that were sitting side by side on the piano bench.

"Do it again Tony! Please?" the smaller figure begged. Ziva blinked as her partner tapped the girl on the nose and laughed.

"I thought _you_ were the one supposed to be playing for _me_." He told her and the girl somehow made already large blue eyes grow bigger.

"Please?" she whispered in the sweetest, most pitiful voice that even Ziva would crack under. With a wary sigh Tony shook his head and sighed.

"Alright…Just one more though. My team should be here soon." He told her and then turned back to the piano.

* * *

It had been years since Anthony DiNozzo played the piano. Years and years. Ever since his mother's death, the lady that beat him with a ruler had been fired so his lessons stopped and his mother of course, wasn't around to teach him anymore either.

Not that he wanted to. He remembered beginning to detest the damn thing. He would sit in the room, watching the wretched instrument with untrusting eyes as if he expected it to start playing by itself.

That thing had killed his mother. He _knew_ it. It was all the piano's fault! It filled her up with all those stupid emotions- it made her kill herself! It wasn't his mother's fault…Not at all. She wouldn't leave her baby boy like that. She loved him. His mother was merely a victim of the piano's evil wrath.

The piano had been controlling her the whole time. Making her happy and sad and angry… It _made_ her fill so sad and upset that she lost control…That was it.

That was what the eight year old told self. He had spent years avoiding the room, every so often coming in just to glare at the despicable thing- watching his mother's ghost that seemed to haunt the place.

He was twelve when he lost it.

Tony had been upset. He had been angry. God damn it he didn't _understand_! His father was sending him away? Angry tears were threatening to spill as he stormed into the room, breathing violently as he grabbed at his hair in frustration. He didn't get it! What had he done wrong to be shipped off to god damn _military school_? He had done everything right! He was good! He did his homework, got good grades, listened, went to all the _stupid_ dinner parties and meetings, smiled, acted happy, never once told anyone about his father's occasional slap on the face, _and_ did whatever his Dad asked! Why was he being pushed away? It wasn't fair! It wasn't right!

Furious, the boy looked at the stupid piece of furniture that took his mother away from him and without thinking swung his baseball bat at the thing.

Again. And Again. And again. And again. And Again. He hit it so hard that it let out a loud screeching sound as it crumbled, the last piece of his mother withering away into broke pieces on the marble floor.

_Good riddance_ he had thought…Until his father saw. Apparently, the older man didn't think so. In his father's mind, he had destroyed the only _good_ reminder of his mom.

Not only was Tony going to military school now, but the disowning papers came out as well.

All because of that stupid piano.

So here he was, his fingers drifting over the keys in a little girl's very…Pink room. The first time he played a little tune for her, he didn't think much of it. Only when she insisted he played again had he realized just how much this moment meant. How _long_ it had been since he'd played.

One note…Then another…C sharp to B flat… It all came so effortlessly. The sound pierced the quiet air as he played the sad lullaby- the one he had heard every night before he went to sleep for eight years. One note…That flowed into the next….Into the next…Until they all drifted into one blurred song.

Tony wasn't for sure how long he played, but when he was finished the first thing he noticed was Lily's tears falling down her face as she watched him.

Well damn!

"Hey." He told her gently "What's wrong?" he asked as he awkwardly tried to console her.

"You play just like my Daddy did." The girl whispered, crystal beads splashing onto the ivory keys in front of them.

Tony honestly didn't know how to respond. How could he? How does one react to learning that you play an instrument like a dead loved one? He was however, saved from answering when he heard the distinct sound of someone clearing their throat and looked up to find four faces peering at him from the doorway.

Heat instantly crept up into Tony's face, knowing that he probably looked like a freaking tomato he decided to try and keep the remaining dignity he had after having his team witness him look like a total softie and practically a little girl.

"Uh...I...I wasn't...You didn't see anything." he told them, blushing fiercely. From the doorway, Mrs. Anderson smiled as Lily cocked her head in obvious confusion.

"But you played really, really pretty." she told him with those big eyes again "and even if they didn't see it, they _heard_ it, right?" Tony turned a brighter red as he stumbled over excuses, telling everyone stupidly how he had totally just did that by accident and that he really should be going because he had to go see his great Aunt in Cuba.

Needless to say no one believed him.

"Will you come back and visit me Tony? You can play pretty again." Lily told him as she scrunched up her nose in attempt to look threatening. He let a small smile play on his lips as he pulled a pigtail.

"I don't know small fry...You think you can bake me cookies again?" he asked and Lily squealed.

"I'll make peanut butter with extra, extra chocolate chips!" Lily shrieked, jumping up and down on the balls of her feet "Mommy, Daddy, and I can make them!" she continued excitedly before freezing, obviously realizing that she would in fact, not be able to bake any cookies with her father anymore. For a second she just stood there, her lip quivering and eyes watering slightly as her small frame shook before she launched herself at Tony.

"You'll come back right?" she whispered and Tony blinked, knowing that he had just been chosen not to replace the girl's father by any means, but to help fill a hole that was surely there. Tony remembered his own lonely days as he sat alone in the dark- waiting for someone- _anyone_ to help him get through the day. He may have never had his messiah show up but that didn't mean Lily's couldn't.

"Here" he told her gently and handed her his card "If you ever need anything, make sure you call this number ok?" he asked her and she gave the briefest of nods before Tony tugged one last time at her hair and stood up, facing his team once more. With a muttered 'let's go' he pushed his way to the front of the house, politely declining anymore of Casey's kind offerings before throwing himself in the back of the car, really not in the mood to talk with anyone of his obviously curious partners.

To his surprise, it was mostly silent for a while- until Ziva exploded that is.

"You told me that you did not play anymore, no?" she demanded, turning to face him, her face filled more with betrayal and inquisitiveness than anger. Tony let out a barely audible sigh before rubbing his eyes and looking at the ceiling in hopefulness that no one could see the heat resurface to his face.

"That was the first time." he told her quietly and he could feel her dark eyes boring into his face. When they were together in that stupid metal box, she had asked if he had been any good. His reply was that 'she' was, referring to his mother. He never mentioned his own talents at the instrument and his skill had obviously impressed her.

Truth be told he was embarrassed at such the blatant display of emotion he had allowed himself to have in front of his team. Ever since the day he had smashed what he thought was his mother's killer, he had been closed off from such things. _DiNozzo's do not_ _feel _his father once told him. It was one of the rules Tony actually tried to follow. Without that damn emotion, there couldn't be any pain. Without pain, decisions were easier to make. Your own stupid feelings wouldn't get in the way of making a decision that separated right from wrong.

So the fact that he had played, and obviously just shown a tender more side of him, made him feel embarrassed and plain exposed. He didn't like it one bit. From the corner of his eye he could see McGee watching him intently.

"What is it probie?" he finally spat out, unable to even make a joke out of the situation.

"Nothing...I just...You sounded good." Tim finally complimented him and Tony winced at the words. He gave a mumbled 'thank you' before turning back to the window and allowing his face to rest of the cool glass. From the rear view mirror, Tony knew Gibbs' eyes would be on him, definitely not on the road, which actually wasn't all that surprising.

They were almost there. Almost at the Navy Yard when Ziva took another long look at him and asked the question that Tony feared she would ask.

"Why did you stop playing?" there was a long silence in which the Italian contemplated on how to answer the question honestly without lying. In the end, he came up with one simple conclusion.

"There were too many damn emotions." he answered gruffly and allowed himself to be content with the silence.

* * *

**So...What did you think? Like I said, I don't know if I like it or not...Tell me what you think and if there are any suggestions please, please, PLEASE share (: Thanks again! **

**-XFixYouX**


	3. Chapter 3

**Do you hate me? This has been a ridiculously long wait but I have had some severe writer's block...Plus RL got in the way *sigh* either way I'm sorry and I did work hard to get this last chapter up (: TIVA for all you lovers! Which reminds me...Season 10 spoiler alert! A writer said Tony is likely to 'settle down' this season *gasp*! Ik, ik! When asked whether we know the character or not the reply was 'a little of both'. Oh. My. God. WHAT KIND OF ANSWER IS THAT!? Seriously?...Ugh, well maybe it is a past character? Or someone from another series? A minor character? I don't know! Ugh...Anyway, here is your next chapter...(: **

* * *

Tony could feel all of their eyes on him. Blue, green, and brown all seemed to be boring into his head as he tried to focus on his report that- according to Gibbs- was supposed to be turned in five minutes ago, despite the fact they had arrived at the bullpen no more than three.

The case had been a long one without a doubt. The team had investigated the suicide of a lieutenant's wife. No one seemed to understand why the woman- who was apparently so full of life and happiness would take he own life in such a way.

_"I do not understand." Ziva hissed as she looked at the mourning children, staring helplessly at their mother's body. "Why one would leave their own son and daughter like that."_

_"What do you mean?" Tony frowned, staring at her in utter confusion "She was unhappy obviously. She just hid it well. Besides, suicide happens all the time."_

_"Have you ever known someone to take their own life?" Ziva snarled at him heatedly "It is selfish. Where I come from it is a gift to live another day and then there are people like...like this! Who selfishly take their lives for granted!"_

Needless to say that the rest of the case, Tony had been a bit short with his team mates. He knew he shouldn't blame them though. While Gibbs may understand suicidal thoughts, he only could sympathize with a person who had lost something dear to them- much like he had. Tim had never been exposed to something like suicide before. He couldn't even begin to comprehend what might lead someone to do something like that…And Ziva. Tony recognized that with her growing up in a place where at any moment you could die- wasting a life like that _would_ be considered selfish and completely senseless.

He still hated the fact that they seemed to hold the barest bit of resentment towards the woman.

Frowning to himself as he at last printed the paper he looked up and saw to his relief that his friends were no longer looking at him- trying to figure out his strange behavior of the day. Tim's hands were moving flawlessly across the keyboard, no doubt writing what would be an hour long report as Ziva stared into space with a frown vividly painted on her face, probably looking for the best English word to put into her own.

"Done." He announced and threw the paper down on his boss' desk with a small smile that he hoped would look real. Gibbs looked up and snatched the report back, throwing it into his own paper work pile. He looked up as if to say something but was quickly cut off by a sharp ringing from Tony's desk.

"DiNozzo" he answered as he gave an exaggerated jog over to the phone.

"Tony!" a small voice called over and the agent felt a smile tug at his lips.

"Hey Lily flower." He greeted "How is my favorite eight year old ever?"

"Like…Like Happy from _Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs_." She answered proudly and Tony felt his head tip back as he let out a loud laugh.

"Nice movie reference there small fry._ Snow White_ huh?" he asked and grinned as he heard the giggle from across the line.

"Yeppers!" she chirped "Mommy said that you can come over tomorrow and watch _Cinderella_ with me!" she told him.

"_Cinderella_?" he chuckled as he attempted to pack up his stuff with one hand. "Hm… I don't know Chica, I'm not much of a princess kind of guy."

"_Please_? Pretty please? I want to show you my new dress! It had sparkles _all_ over it!"

"A regular gem." He told her as he zipped up his gear "Alright Lily Flower. I'll go. At least now I get to tell my co-workers I have a date with the prettiest girl in the whole, wide world!"

"Prettier than Sleeping Beauty?"

"Way prettier. More like…Jenifer Lopez or Kim Kardashian."

"Who?"

"I'll tell you later."

"Oh…Ok…Bye Tony!"

"Bye Lily." He said and snapped the phone shut, grabbing his backpack and slinging it over his shoulder.

"Hot date Tony?" Ziva smirked as she leaned back in her chair, the amusement clear on her face.

"You're disgusting. She's eight Zee-vah." He sniped at her.

"Yeah, you know it's been awhile since that case- why exactly are you still talking to an eight year old?" Tim jumped in.

"You two are annoying." He grouched "I like Lily. She's a good kid."

"You do not like children."

"Well I like this one."

"Why?"

"None of your business!" Tony finally snapped and Ziva's eyes narrowed drastically.

"You have been very…litter today." She told him.

"Bitter. Litter is garbage."

"Whatever. Either way you have been acting very odd. Why?"

"Oh, I don't know Ziva. _Maybe_ you should go talk to some of your Israeli friends. I'm sure you can relate more with them." From the confusion and slight hurt that washed over her face, Tony knew he was being a jerk, but couldn't help it. It wasn't fair to her but…She wasn't being fair to a dead woman either!

"What is that supposed to mean?" she demanded.

"Let me clue you in. You ever hear about the phrase 'Don't speak ill of the dead'?" he hissed and felt both Gibbs' and Tim's eyes narrow at his words.

"What does it matter? I was not talking about you I was-"

"Had it ever occurred to you, with your amazing investigative mind, that I might have known someone who committed suicide?" he hissed and pushed his way past her, hitting the button with more power than necessary. When nothing happened he hit it again with more force as he tried to tame the flicking flames of anger that were rising.

"Agent DiNozzo?" a voice proclaimed and Tony's eyes snapped up to meet Director Vance's who was standing on his office's balcony with his _'I am greater than thou'_ expression on. When Tony didn't answer he continued "The elevator is temporarily not available. It seems that since there has been a lot of _emergency stops_." He added with a snide look at Gibbs "One of the chord cables have been threatening to snap. It will take a couple days to fix. The stairs are also being waxed for the next hour or two so you will have to refrain from going home. Perhaps you should catch up on your paper work." Without waiting for Tony's response he gave another nod and reentered his office, slamming the door behind him.

"You have got to be kidding me." Tony muttered under his breath and slouched back to his desk, not looking at any of his team. Why had he lashed out? Why was he so _stupid_? For the next five minutes no one said anything to fill the awkward silence.

"Who?" Ziva finally blurted out, obviously not being able to take it anymore. With a sigh Tony leaned back into his chair and stared at her for a moment.

"I should have never brought it up."

"_Who_, Tony? Or were you lying? Again." Tony felt his eyes narrow and fist clench. Why the _hell_ were they bringing up lying? She knew that was a touchy subject for him.

"My mom." He finally spat out and flipped through his already completed files. At this point there was literally _nothing_ for him to do. At all. God, he needed Abby right now...Or Ducky...Or anyone really aside from the people on this floor.

"How old were you?" Ziva asked with a little more gentleness this time. He winced at the pity laced in her voice, his eyes flashing dangerously.

"Let. It. Go." He told her. His voice uncharacteristically sharp and borderline perilous. From his right, he could see Tim shifting, probably trying to get a better view in which would definitely turn out to be a heated argument if Ziva didn't drop the situation…Now.

"You know, it isn't healthy keeping things to yourself." McGee added, probably in hopes to add fuel to the already growing flames. Tony blinked and looked at him, trying to squash all of his feelings in order to not let them win by getting upset.

"You're right." He told them coolly "That's why I talk about things with my friends."

It was a low blow. Really low. Tony knew by the hurt that flashed across both Ziva and Tim's faces he had perhaps crossed some kind of line. Tony never spoke about any of his deeper issues with them aside from what to eat for dinner that night and they knew it.

"Really? I was under the impression you did not have any." Ziva jumped back in and the Senior Field Agent let a small smile grace his lips, though it was much colder than usual.

"You may be right." He said quietly, a thoughtful look crossing his face. Everyone and anyone he had trusted on that kind of level usually ended up dead or abandoned him. Kate, Wendy, Jenny, Jeanne, even his father at the times in which the man would pretend to care about his son. The whole thing reminded him that Ziva, Gibbs, and Tim were really the only people who stayed throughout his life, despite the fact he never really let them in.

"I was eight." He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, keeping his eyes away from any of the three sets of eyes that snapped towards him. Gibbs knew that his mother had died when he was young of course, though Tony was fairly certain that his father had labeled his mother's death as 'accidental' rather than 'suicidal'. "She was really unhappy I guess. We had a lot of…a lot of problems. My Dad and her argued and it usually ended with someone getting hurt." He continued a hand brushing over his cheek before adding quietly "usually me."

No one spoke, probably to avoid breaking the spell that Tony was under. Not wanting to stop him from speaking.

"My Dad… Well he wanted different things then her. It got really nasty at times and she would start drinking and taking pills a lot to help her cope. When it got really bad she would get out these knives…I remember Father had gotten them for her awhile back, some kind of cruel joke. He gave them to her and said something along the lines of 'these are for you to cut out some other hearts' or something cheesy like that. She would use them to cut her wrists…I would come in and…" he shuddered slightly, rubbing his own wrists at the memories that assaulted his eyes.

"There was blood everywhere. I would always run and help clean it up. Stop the bleeding before it caused any permanent damage. I always thought of myself as her protector or whatever. I would go and do all sorts of things for her… Just trying to keep her happy. Keep her from hurting herself. It was one of the reasons I did the whole piano thing. She loved playing but whenever she would cut her wrists she couldn't really do it. I learned so when she couldn't play I could…" As he finished his last sentence, Tony considered stopping. He had said too much, way too much already. Biting his tongue he looked around, relieved to see no one else was in the office. Black eyes suddenly latched onto his and his mouth was back in motion before he could stop it.

"On my eighth birthday I was really excited. There was this huge report that my prep school had us do and I got an A on it. I ran to find her and…I don't know. Maybe she had gotten into a fight that day or I did something wrong…Either way she had one of those stupid knives stuck in her chest…" his voice sounded distant now. His eyes clearly somewhere else. No one said a word. Tony's eyes eventually drifted over and met each of his team's eyes. Tim's shocked ones, Gibbs' closed-off, yet understanding, and Ziva's...hurt? Frowning, he jumped back up, heading quickly to the men's room where hopefully he could breathe and figure out what the hell just happened.

The seconds ticked by as he splashed the cool water on his face, trying to think about how he could fix the mess he just made.

"You never said anything. All those times when McGee and myself talked about your wonderful childhood...You never said anything." Tony blinked and looked up at Ziva. He conveniently forgot about her odd habit of walking into the men's room often.

"Why would I?" he sighed, leaning with his back against the sink. "Ziva, can we just forget about this? Please?"

"No." she snapped "We cannot just 'forget about this'!" she said while using her fingers to make air quotes around the phrase 'forget about this'. "I want to know why you did not tell us!"

"Because of this." he growled back "You guys are so damn confusing!" he seethed "One minute I'm the stupid jock who no one can even look at and then the next? It is poor, poor, helpless, neglected, tragic Tony. Then give it a little while and you know what it turns into? Brave, strong Tony who can take care of himself. Or maybe it will be funny Tony who is your best friend!" he cried out throwing his hands in the air "Ziva, you never treat me the same. _Ever_. I have no idea _what_ I can and can't say to you guys without causing some kind of field day!"

"Well it would help if you just _told_ us this."

"And then what? What could you exactly do? You want to know the last person I told this to Ziva? Kate. After I had gotten the plague, she had come over for a little while and practically told her all of my life's story. Do remember what happened to her? Oh that's right! She's dead!" As he spoke the words, his voice had slowly risen to a shout and Ziva had tensed as though waiting for him to take a swing at her.

"Besides, I never know what side any of you are ever on." he added dejectedly and slid down onto the cool tiles. "Sometimes you guys hate me and other times you don't...I just can't really risk you guys having that kind of emotional ammo against me." he admitted quietly and paused when he felt a warm body slide down next to him.

"You saw me" she said quietly "in Africa. After I was tortured and beaten bloodied. You saw me fall in love with a man who was doomed to die. You saw me fall in love with yet another man who was with me only under orders. And another who may have only been using me for a mission. Tony, you have seen more of me than I ever wanted to show anyone. You never use it against me. Never have... I trust that you never will. Can I have that same trust?" she asked and Tony just looked at her for a moment, his eyes flashing over the scenarios she had mentioned in his head.

"I'm not broken Ziva." he said out of nowhere "Everyone who gets close enough thinks I am. But I'm not."

"I know Tony. I do not believe you are snapped…Er...broken." There was a moment of silence again as Tony looked at her, trying to decide whether or not he could trust her. She stared steadily back at him, her eyes never once leaving his.

"I believe you." He finally told her and relaxed slightly. He wasn't broken. He was just...lost. A little confused and a little hurt. For years, he had been shoving all those long overdue emotions out of the way, so that he didn't feel them as much...but they were still there. This could be the chance to get rid of them for good though.

Anthony DiNozzo was a risk taker in every way but one. That day though, he broke a promise he had made to himself in order to take that one risk.

He talked.

And when the floors were done being waxed, Tony took Ziva with him and played for her (only after twenty minutes of pestering on her behalf)...

In the end, he decided it was ok to share emotions.

* * *

**Hmm...Not so sure about the ending. I tried to kind of tie it back to the begining but I'm not for sure how good that worked out...Your thoughts? Oh, for those of you who know of my story Baltimore Beginnings do not fear! I haven't abondoned that story by a long shot. I've just hit a bit of a stonewall that will hopefully go away soon. If I'm lucky than I'll get that chapter posted sometime this week (: Thanks again for all of your guys' amazing support! It means a lot to me...Please review!**


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